


from midnight to sunrise

by poutyongs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, i love them all so much please, nct college au, renjun is a visual arts major and is very good at flipping pancakes, they all go to the same school so theres a lot of little interactions between them, this is just pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-18 11:53:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21910342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poutyongs/pseuds/poutyongs
Summary: Renjun was simply minding his own business, trying to finish his art history paper due the next day, when a boy with strawberry pink hair casually sat down in front of him. “You’re the one that keeps posting about me on the confessions page, right?”
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 43
Kudos: 372





	1. wake up

**Author's Note:**

> first things first, thank you to hana for always supporting me and my writing ;__; also everyone go thank her for the idea of jaehyun's lavender hair!!  
> the work title is the name of Crush's new album (from midnight to sunrise) and the chapter names are songs from it, please go listen to it i love it so much  
> anyway, i hope you enjoy! thank you so much for readinggg <333

“ _Another_ confession for Na Jaemin,” Donghyuck announced, putting down his iced coffee before clearing his throat and reciting the words in front of him. “ _Confession #467. Jaemin in my linguistics class is so hot I can’t focus. One time I saw him with a bag of chips and couldn’t tell the difference between the two because they’re both snacks._ ” Donghyuck giggles a bit, glancing at Jaemin’s direction. “They couldn’t tell the difference between you and the chips.” 

“From linguistics again? Is it the same person?” Jaemin asked nonchalantly, failing to hide the smile creeping up at the corner of his lips. 

“From the way they type, I think so, yeah,” Donghyuck confirmed, stirring his coffee with his straw, “who would’ve guessed you would peak in your first year of college?” 

“I think I know who it is,” Jaemin declared confidently, grinning at the other boy’s puzzled stare. 

Jaemin considers himself pretty observant. He’s quick to catch on to things, and he’s quite aware of his surroundings most of the time. So of course, when two boys in his linguistics class kept acting strange near him, he wasn’t about to just let that pass. 

“There’s this guy who’s always with his friend,” he continued, a smug smile resting on his face, “he’s kind of cute, really. And clearly has a sense of humour. A bit short. Black hair. Dresses super artsy. He’s always staring at me, and, well, his friend literally _pointed_ at me the other day and he panicked. I think it has to be him.” Jaemin sat back in his chair with a look of triumph as Donghyuck slowly nodded, taking it all in. 

“I think that sounds just about right.” 

* * *

“Did my confession post?” Jeno asked excitedly, pausing his Khan Academy video to pull out his phone. 

“Yes, it did, Jeno,” Renjun sighed, scrolling through the list of users that liked the post until his finger landed on a familiar name. “And guess what? Jaemin already saw it. You should be thankful I came up with the chip thing.” 

“Did he actually?” Jeno gawked, his eyes widening, “so he knows. Do you think he knows that it’s the same person from before? Seriously, Renjun, he’s just _so_ cute I don’t know what to do with myself.” 

“Yes, and he also probably knows who that person is, considering you were _pointing_ at him the other day before class,” Renjun mentioned, rolling his eyes, “and he made direct eye contact with me when you did that. You honestly might as well just post your confessions with your name at this point. Like, _hey Jaemin, this is Jeno, call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx!_ ” 

Jeno groaned at Renjun’s comment, although honestly, Renjun couldn’t exactly blame him. He would never admit it, but Jaemin was, well, _hot._ Not only did he have the most beautiful and captivating hair in the universe, a bright and fluffy pink, but his stature and the way he carried himself was otherworldly. _He isn’t exactly my type,_ Renjun mused, _but he’s certainly attractive._

“Okay, so, do you think he’s gonna talk to me? Since like, he knows who I am at this point and all,” Jeno slowly asked, his eyes twinkling at the thought. 

“I mean, don’t bet on it,” Renjun replied honestly, taking a bite of his tiramisu flavoured cheesecake, “he might already be taken, you never know.” 

He thinks it’s funny, the way Jeno’s face crumbles immediately. “I didn’t even think about that.” 

_Imagine being that whipped for someone,_ Renjun thought to himself as he returned to his assignment. He couldn’t remember the last time he had fallen for someone that hard - in fact, he was always too busy looking after himself and fulfilling his responsibilities that he hasn’t even had the time to look around him. 

There was Donghyuck, of course. The cute, fluffy haired boy that always showed up to the weekly pancake brunches with his friend Mark. He had even complimented Renjun on his pancake-flipping skills. But he seemed a bit bratty, which wasn’t exactly Renjun’s type. And Mark? Well, he was funny and cute, but Renjun could tell from miles away that his eyes were already set on Donghyuck. 

Chenle? Chenle was out of the picture. He had practically known him since he was born - the mere thought of doing anything with Chenle that wasn’t platonic made him want to vomit. And Jeno - Jeno was a lost cause. He was too far gone for Jaemin, and Renjun didn’t really want anything to do with that. That left Jisung, a guy who was always out doing karaoke with his Korean club friends, and Lucas, who he could easily find working out in any gym across campus. The possibility of hitting it off with either of them was close to zero - Renjun couldn’t even remember the last time he went to the gym. There were the older students: sure, they were certainly attractive, like Jaehyun with his newly-dyed lavender hair, but Renjun found it impossible to view them in a romantic light. 

And so, that was that. Renjun wasn’t really looking for a boyfriend anyway; he was perfectly content with his life right now, and there was enough romance-issued problems he had to deal with anyway because of Jeno. 

Speaking of Jeno, didn’t he have class right now? 

“Hey, wait, don’t you have stats right now?” Renjun questioned, raising a left eyebrow as the colour drained from Jeno’s face. 

“Shit! I completely forgot,” Jeno yelled, abruptly standing up and frantically packing up his books into his bag. “I’ll see you later!” 

This was such a Jeno-like occurrence that Renjun wasn’t even surprised. He smiled as he watched Jeno’s back grow smaller and smaller until it was a mere speck decorating the streets. _Well, back to work, I guess._ Stretching his arms out, Renjun let out a heavy sigh and returned his attention to his laptop screen once again. 

Until he got rudely interrupted. 

Renjun was simply minding his own business, trying to finish his art history paper due the next day, when a boy with strawberry pink hair casually sat down in front of him. “You’re the one that keeps posting about me on the confessions page, right?” 

_Speak of the devil._


	2. butterfly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Up until now, he had also viewed Jaemin in a pretty positive light due to Jeno’s obsession, but now he was nothing but some conceited brat that apparently thought Renjun couldn’t tell the difference between him and a bag of chips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is kind of short and boring, but the next chapter is my personal favourite so please look forward to it!!   
> once again, thank you for reading <3

It was as if time had stopped; Jaemin was staring at Renjun, an expectant glint in his eyes, but all Renjun could do was gape at him. There was Na Jaemin, in his whole glory, sitting right in front of him. Not just that, but asking him if  _ he  _ was the one behind all the confessions. 

_ Just play it cool, Huang Renjun.  _

“Sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Renjun replied as casually as possible, pretending to shift his attention back to his screen. 

Jaemin was having none of that. As if to make Renjun even more nervous, Jaemin raked his fingers through his hair and leaned a bit closer to the boy sitting across from him. 

Once again, Jaemin was observant. He didn’t fail to notice the way Renjun’s eye quickly flickered between him and his screen - this boy was certainly nervous. Nervous  _ and  _ pretty, he noted. From his long eyelashes that shadowed his twinkling eyes to his small and upturned nose, Jaemin couldn’t help but notice how delicate his features were. And he was so damn  _ obvious,  _ too. The way he was clearly taken aback when Jaemin brought up the confession would definitely be something he would remember later today. 

“You couldn’t tell the difference between a bag of chips and me?” Jaemin asked innocently, placing his chin on his right hand as he blinked at Renjun. 

Renjun nearly choked. He decided that this was, by far, the worst thing that has ever happened to him. He had simply been joking when he suggested that Jeno should write something about Jaemin being a snack, but Jeno had eaten it up immediately and punched in the words, gushing out the praise “ _ Renjun, you’re a genius! _ ” It was funny at the time, but this was nothing but ironic, the way it was coming back for him. 

To make matters worse, Jaemin was staring at him with doe-eyes, the corners of his lips slightly rounded, and Renjun’s mind was racing.  _ Should I expose Jeno? No, I can’t do that. But what do I say? He obviously knows something’s up now. Oh my god, Lee Jeno, I’m going to murder you.  _

He took a deep breath, and just as he was about to shoot back another feeble attempt of “I don’t understand”, Jaemin let out a laugh and sat back in his chair. 

“Look, you don’t have to be so shy about it, okay? We can, well, get to know each other.” He glanced at Renjun with soft eyes as if to convey to him that he really didn’t have to be so shy. “What’s your name? I’m sure you already know mine, so we can skip that part.” 

Renjun felt a massive headache coming on as Jaemin blabbered about. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He was supposed to sit here writing his art history paper, in his favourite cafe on campus, and when it was time, he was going to attend his lecture then go home.  _ That  _ was what was supposed to happen. Frankly, he was annoyed. Annoyed that his precious time-to-self was getting disturbed, and also annoyed that Jaemin found this whole thing as entertaining as stand-up comedy. 

“Actually, I have a lecture to attend right now,” Renjun interrupted, swiftly slipping his laptop into his bag as he got up from his seat and walked away as indifferently as possible, leaving Jaemin to sit there by himself. Silently hoping that was casual enough, Renjun exited the cafe and started towards his lecture hall when he was suddenly hit with a bout of realization. 

_ Oh shit, my cheesecake plate.  _

Renjun paused, feeling the intense urge to either cry or punch himself as he slowly remembered the empty plate he had left behind on the table. He had just left Jaemin a plate to return to the workers. An empty plate that Na Jaemin would have to carry and bring back to the front. He had, practically, left him with garbage to take care of. In hindsight, it really wasn’t that big of a deal, and Renjun kind of thought Jaemin deserved it with all the nuisance he caused, but he still couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt tugging at the back of his head.

_ Whatever,  _ he thought as he shrugged it off and continued walking,  _ that’s what he gets for jumping to conclusions like that.  _

To be completely honest, he didn’t understand people like Na Jaemin. Sure, he was cute, but that didn’t excuse his ridiculous behaviour of just walking up to him and accusing him of being his secret admirer. In fact, he hadn’t even gotten a proper answer from Renjun whether he was the one behind all the confessions or not before going on about “getting to know each other”. 

“ _ You don’t have to be so shy about it, _ ” Renjun mocked as he entered the arts building aggressively. Up until now, he had also viewed Jaemin in a pretty positive light due to Jeno’s obsession, but now he was nothing but some conceited brat that apparently thought Renjun couldn’t tell the difference between him and a bag of chips. 

And, to top it all off, he was now way too early to his lecture and had no other option but to sit in the cold floors of the hallway by himself. Admittedly, it was partly his fault for storming away like that, but at the time he couldn’t think of any better alternatives. It was either he told Jaemin upfront that his best friend was in love with him, or he kept putting up the act of confusion which, in all honesty, he knew he wasn’t pulling off too well. 

He had no clue what to do about Jaemin anymore - he likely still believed that Renjun was in love with him, which was bound to end up in disaster just like today, but Renjun knew that Jeno would rather get hit by a car than have Jaemin find out he was the one posting all those confessions.  _ God, Jeno, can you make a smart decision for once in your life?  _ Renjun thought sourly as he massaged his temples. His ass hurt from sitting on the cold hard floor (he was positive it would be concave by the time he got up for his lecture), he barely wrote anything for his paper due tomorrow, and some crazy kid thought he was obsessed with him. He shouldn’t have been involved with any of this in the first place. People like Na Jaemin brought along nothing but trouble; if Renjun was watching this entire situation unfold in front of him from the sidelines, he might’ve found it amusing,  _ comical _ almost, but now that he was an evident part of it, he wanted nothing more than to just wake up and have this all be a manifested nightmare. 

Of course, he wondered if he should tell Jeno about what happened, but that thought was dismissed as quickly as it arose since he knew how much panic that would bring about. He could practically  _ hear  _ Jeno in his head, whining on and on about how his life was officially over, and, well, there was still the possibility that maybe Jaemin would decide to stop being so egotistical and just forget about it. 

_ It’s fine,  _ Renjun comforted himself as he pulled out his phone and tapped on Instagram,  _ he doesn’t even know my name, and our linguistics lecture is next week, so he’ll probably forget about it by then. Yeah. Especially after I left him with my empty plate, there’s no way he’s gonna want to be involved with me anymore anyway.  _ He flashed a smug smile as he checked his notifications.  _ He might think I’m rude, or just crazy, but that might be for the better anyway.  _

Renjun’s self-consolidation worked like a charm: he was already starting to feel better, and, hell, their campus was so massive and spread out that there was practically zero chance of him running into Jaemin other than in the cursed linguistics class anyway. 

But maybe he shouldn’t have thought that, because the moment he convinced himself Jaemin and him were never going to spontaneously run into each other ever again, he had checked his follow requests, his eyes scanning over a familiar username he remembered seeing every time he had checked Jeno’s confessions for him. 

_ Follow Requests:  _

_ @najaemin0813 ✓ X  _


	3. Ibiza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaemin, who paused to check if Renjun was going to say something, carried on: “So of course, I told him yes, and I told him we were on a date -” 
> 
> Renjun nearly let out a scream. This couldn’t be happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays everyone! <3   
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, and thank you (as always) for reading!!

Wednesday is Renjun’s favourite day of the week. There’s no deep meaning behind it, really: their university, quite known for being a commuter school, provides a free pancake brunch for commuter students every week in the lounge, which Renjun always willingly wakes up bright and early for. He feels a sense of satisfaction whenever he flips the perfect pancake, and this has also been a shortcut to making lots of new friends for him. He had met Yuta and Taeyong through it, two upperclassmen who flip pancakes in the most graceful manner possible. As heads of the commuter club, Renjun could tell that they were initially quite reluctant in allowing Renjun, a mere first year, to work alongside them in running the event, but as soon as they had seen with their own eyes the way Renjun delivered perfect, fluffy pancakes to them in a few seconds, they were sold. And besides, Taeyong had remarked, Renjun was too cute to say no to anyway. 

Renjun’s morning routine is quite straightforward: he gets up (the most time-consuming part), washes his face and brushes his teeth, throws on some clothes, and leaves the house. Of course, the getting up part also consists of going on his phone for 10 minutes to catch up on everything that happened overnight. First, he checks the group chat consisting of Jeno, Chenle, Donghyuck, Mark, and him (titled “Jeno stop talking” by Donghyuck ever since Jeno made an incredibly distasteful joke the other day), even though it’s all unsubstantial talk as always: 

**Jeno:** who’s ready for pancakes today!! 

**Hyuck:** do you not see the group chat name Jeno? 

**Hyuck:** also I’m bringing a friend to pancakes today

**Hyuck:** you guys will like him dw 

**Chenle:** i have a chem lab today right after pancakes please kill me

***Jeno disliked “do you not see the group chat name?”***

**Jeno:** shut up hyuck 

**Jeno:** ha imagine having labs 

**Chenle:** imagine being a major in the worst department possible 

**Jeno:** why does everyone shit on the stats department i don’t understand 

**Jeno:** but I mean fair 

**Jeno:** yesterday my prof stopped mid-lecture and let us go because she didn’t know what she was teaching 

***Mark Lee loved “yesterday my prof stopped mid-lecture and let us go because she didn’t know what she was teaching”***

***Chenle loved “yesterday my prof stopped mid-lecture and let us go because she didn’t know what she was teaching”***

**Chenle:** oh wait hey renjun taeyong is gonna be there for pancakes right 

Renjun rolled his eyes, remembering Chenle’s avid obsession with Taeyong, as he typed out his response. 

**Renjun:** yeah you can come and drool over him as much as you want today 

* * *

Midway through flipping pancakes, Renjun thought about Jaemin. From his sparkling eyes blinking up at him at the cafe yesterday to his username boring into his soul, it was truly a let-down, waking up and checking Instagram to see that none of it was just a very bad dream. He didn’t even understand  _ how  _ Jaemin had found him; after all, he never even told him his name. But that didn’t change the fact that the follow request was still there, staring up at him as if it was mocking him. He had considered just declining it ruthlessly, but that felt a bit too mean, and he assumed Jaemin would get the hint anyway if he didn’t respond to it in a considerably long time. In fact, he had even changed his profile picture last night so that Jaemin would  _ actually  _ understand that yes, he was active, and yes, he was purposely ignoring him. But of course, the request was still there, and he thought he could hear Jaemin’s annoying voice laughing at him and repeating the words “ _ you don’t have to be so shy about it _ ” whenever he laid eyes on it. 

“That pancake is burning,” Yuta noted next to him, slightly nudging his shoulder while pointing to the sad lump of blackness in front of Renjun. 

“Oh fuck,” Renjun muttered, snapping back to reality as he quickly scooped up the lump and discarded it into the garbage bag. “Sorry about that.” 

“No worries,” Yuta responded cheerily, “is everything alright? Is the university life finally getting to you?” 

Renjun laughed respectfully. “Yeah, it’s all good. Just couldn’t sleep well last night.” 

Yuta nodded approvingly as he gave Renjun a small pat on the back and returned to pancake-flipping. Of course, that was a blatant lie. Renjun could probably sleep through a fire - there was practically nothing that could prevent him from a good night’s rest, but there was no chance in hell he was about to tell the upperclassman that he was distracted from thinking about a particular pink-haired boy. 

“Renjun!” A familiar voice yelled, Renjun wincing at the noise, as Jeno ran up to the serving table and grabbed a plate. “Working hard at those pancakes as per usual, huh?” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Renjun replied, scraping off two pancakes and slipping them onto Jeno’s plate, “are the others here too?” 

“Yeah,” Jeno claimed, and suddenly he was leaning in, whispering into Renjun’s ear. “You’ll never believe this, but the friend Hyuck brought is Jaemin.” 

As soon as he uttered those words, Renjun saw a tuft of pink hair enter the room from the corner of his eye. “You better serve him the nicest pancakes,” Jeno finished, pulling back and flashing a smile as he moved on to the toppings Taeyong was serving. 

Renjun felt a wave of panic wash over him. Jaemin was busy chatting it up with Donghyuck, so it seemed like he hadn’t spotted him yet, but the moment he did, he knew his life would be over. He could just  _ imagine  _ the million questions Jeno would attack him with, and he wasn’t ready to face the inevitable teasing that would ensue from Donghyuck and Chenle. 

He quickly glanced at Taeyong and Yuta, preoccupied with their own duties, and he clenched his eyes shut in distress.  _ God, save me. _

“Yuta,” he hastily whispered, tugging on the older boy’s shirt, “I have to go to the washroom. Like  _ now _ .” 

Yuta turned to him in confusion, although he nodded sympathetically and told him he’d take care of his pancakes. Renjun flashed a grin of gratitude as he immediately whipped around and took the back exit of the lounge towards the washroom. There was absolutely  _ no  _ chance he was gonna stand there, subject to the scrutiny of every single one of his friends and the pink-haired devil himself. He assumed that if he hung out in the washroom for long enough, he would come back and Jaemin would’ve already finished his serving of pancakes and left. He was aware Jeno would be suspicious as to why he had just suddenly fled the scene, but he decided he would just tell him he had to take a shit, and Jeno would probably leave it at that. 

He stared at himself in the washroom mirror, his cheeks flushed red from alarm, and played out a possible scenario in his head: 

_ The pink-haired devil walks up to him, flashing an evil grin. “Serve me some pancakes. Or wait, can you not tell the difference between me and the pancakes because we’re both snacks?” Everyone laughed as Jaemin carried on: “Why won’t you accept my follow request? Isn’t that the least you could do, considering you left me to take care of your mess you left behind yesterday? You do know that I brought your plate back to the front for you, right? But look, you don’t have to be so shy. We can get to know each other.”  _

Renjun felt goosebumps travel all across his arm as he shivered. Logically, he knew that nothing of the sort would have happened even if he had remained in the lounge, but he definitely wasn’t taking any chances. Because how could he possibly defend himself without exposing Jeno? He wasn’t doing this for him, he was doing it for Jeno. Surely that was it: he was doing  _ all  _ of this for Jeno.

Sighing at the unbelievable situation he had gotten caught up with, Renjun checked the time.  _ 10 minutes.  _ That was probably safe - there was no way Jaemin would still be in line for pancakes anymore, and even if he was still hanging out in the lounge, he would most likely be so preoccupied with talking to the others that he wouldn’t even notice Renjun walk in. 

Glancing at the mirror one last time and straightening out his flannel shirt, Renjun headed back towards the lounge.  _ Yuta probably thinks I have diarrhea now _ , he thought grimly as he stopped in front of the back door. He took a deep breath, shut his eyes for comfort, and headed in. 

“Renjun! You’re finally here!” A voice rang out as soon as he entered, and it felt like a strong gust of wind had knocked Renjun over. 

There was Jaemin, standing right there with an empty plate in his hands, beaming at the sight of the other boy. His pink hair was as fluffy as usual, and it was glinting under the bright lighting of the lounge. He was wearing a soft beige cardigan with a white button-up layered under it, and the blue jeans he had decided to pair it with looked like they were made for him. Renjun peeled his eyes away from him, cursing at himself for even checking him out in the first place ( _ what the hell was he so attractive for, anyway? _ ), and returned to his rightful place next to Yuta. Yuta shot him a concerned glance, but quickly went back to his pancake flipping. 

Renjun didn’t  _ understand _ . He didn’t understand  _ anything  _ this boy did. Why in the world was he still here? Everyone had left -  _ well, everyone but Jeno _ , Renjun thought bleakly as he just noticed the blonde sitting on one of the couches across from him. He was staring at him, a single eyebrow raised in curiosity, and Renjun could practically hear the other boy interrogating him in his head as he gave him a forced smile - more like a cry for help - and turned to Jaemin. 

“Hi, are you here for pancakes?” He questioned, tilting his head a bit to the side to feign confusion, his voice coming out a lot less friendly than he had wanted it to. He had no shame anymore at this point. He was just going to pretend he didn’t recognize Jaemin, and, although clearly this boy was hopeless when it came to hints, hope that Jaemin took a  _ god damn  _ hint for once in his life. 

“I’m here for  _ your  _ pancakes specifically, yes,” Jaemin responded gleefully, walking up to Renjun, “Hyuck told me how good your pancake flipping skills are, so of course I had to see them for myself. Renjun’s signature pancakes. I waited  _ so  _ long for them! Where were you this whole time?” 

Renjun wished he would speak slower. Or just not speak at all. His voice was sweet, coated in layers of honey, and it made Renjun sick. 

“Yes, of course,” Renjun acknowledged tiredly, “here you go.” 

He slipped two pancakes onto Jaemin’s plate, and, to his horror, Jaemin took that chance to lean in a bit too close for Renjun’s liking. 

“When are you going to accept my follow request?” 

Quickly assessing his surroundings to make sure no one was in earshot, Renjun responded as quietly as possible, gritting his teeth. “How the hell did you find out my name?” 

Jaemin smiled at him in triumph as Renjun realized he had basically just ruined his whole act. “Well, when I was bringing  _ your _ plate back to the front,” he started, glancing at the other boy’s dismayed expression and stifling a laugh, “the worker there - what was his name again? Johnny? - asked me if I knew you.” 

Renjun had gotten to know Johnny, an upper year that worked at the cafe as a volunteer, through his frequent visits, and he knew he was a good-natured guy, but in this moment he wanted nothing more than to kick him in the face. 

Jaemin, who paused to check if Renjun was going to say something, carried on: “So of course, I told him yes, and I told him we were on a date -” 

Renjun nearly let out a scream.  _ This couldn’t be happening _ . 

“- and he was all like, ‘ _ woah, Renjun agreed to go on a date with someone?’.  _ So yeah, that’s how I found out. Anyway, thanks for the pancakes! You really are good at making them,” Jaemin finished, smiling radiantly as he moved on to get toppings for his pancakes. 

“I think that’s a wrap,” Taeyong announced after Jaemin poured some chocolate chips over his plate, “it’s 2, so we can pack up now.” 

Yuta and Taeyong started collecting the unused cutlery and plates while Renjun just stood there, dumbfounded. If it wasn’t for Jeno walking up to him and smirking at him in the most ominous way before helping the upperclassmen clean up, he might’ve just stood there forever until he was placed in his coffin in that exact pose. 

“I have to go to class, so I’ll see you later. Bye Jeno, bye Renjun!” Jaemin advertised before sauntering off, Jeno quickly saying his farewells as Renjun refused to even look at him, pretending to be busy with cleaning up. After he left, Jeno turned to him. 

“So, I’m going to need a detailed explanation for that,” Jeno said matter-of-factly, reaching over and helping Renjun disassemble the pancake griddle. 

“What explanation? There’s nothing to explain,” Renjun replied in the most casual tone he could possibly muster. “Hyuck probably told him about me. You know, that’s how Donghyuck is.” 

Jeno eyed him curiously, analyzing his every movement. “I don’t think that’s the end of it.” 

Renjun shrugged, leaning down to fold the table legs as Yuta helped him carry it to the wall. Luckily, Jeno stayed quiet for the rest of the cleaning period, the four of them swiftly collecting any equipment and materials and moving it to the storage room. But Renjun knew the worst was yet to come - there was no reason for Jeno to even stay behind and help them clean up like this - he had obviously waited all this time to talk to him right after, and Renjun knew there was no avoiding it now.  _ I’ll just be honest. I’ll just tell him that Jaemin is carrying this huge misunderstanding, and if he wants, he can go tell him that he’s actually his secret admirer, not me,  _ Renjun decided as Taeyong and Yuta thanked them, collecting their bags and leaving the lounge. Renjun and Jeno also grabbed their bags and headed out, silence hanging heavily in the air until Jeno finally spoke up. 

“You know, Renjun, you could’ve just told me you liked him too.” 

“What?!” Renjun interrupted immediately, his face distorting in horror. 

But Jeno continued as if Renjun didn’t even make a peep. “Like, I know I have no chance with him, so you could’ve just told me and we could’ve fawned over him together; there was really no need to hide it from me. I mean, we all know he’s hot, so it wouldn’t have been much surprise for me anyway. I’m pretty sure half the school likes him. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but you get the point.” 

Renjun thought that their group chat name was very valid at this moment. 

“But damn, you really impressed him with your pancake flipping skills. Maybe I’ll ask Taeyong and Yuta if they can teach me. Didn’t he look really good today? That cardigan needs to be tattooed to his body, it suited him so well,” Jeno rambled, Renjun nervously looking for a gap in his sentence where he could break the news to him. 

“Look, Jeno, there’s a huge misunderstanding here,” Renjun finally let out, stopping in his tracks. When Jeno looked at him quizzically, he took a deep breath, and the words came tumbling out. “Jaemin thinks  _ I’m  _ the one that sent in all those confessions. I don’t know how he even got to that conclusion, but he firmly believes that it’s me. So he’s been flirting with me, and you’re going to hate me for this, but I really don’t appreciate it. Sure, he’s cute, but eye candy is all he is. I don’t want anything to do with him, okay?” 

Jeno blinked at him, taking a few seconds to process it. Then he let out a laugh. 

“He thinks  _ you’re  _ the one that sent in the confessions? Like, even the one about the chips?” He asked, giggling the whole time as if this was the most entertaining thing that has ever happened to him. 

“It’s not funny,” Renjun whined, “can you go tell him it was you? Or I’m gonna have to tell him that; he’s not going to believe me if I just tell him it wasn’t me without any form of evidence. He’d probably just laugh in my face.” 

Jeno immediately stopped laughing.

“Okay, um, yeah, you’re right. I’ll tell him. I promise.” 

“Are you sure?” Renjun asked, a frown framing his face in worry at how serious Jeno suddenly looked. “If you really don’t want to, I can just avoid him like the plague, it’s fine-” 

“No, no. I’ll tell him. That might be for the better, anyway,” Jeno assured, “but it might take me a few days for me to work up to courage.” 

“That’s fine. Thanks, Jeno,” Renjun beamed, his future suddenly looking brighter than ever now, with the absence of Jaemin. 

_ No more hiding in washrooms for me, _ Renjun thought happily as he walked to his next lecture with Jeno, footsteps light. 


	4. sunset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renjun finally looked up, and it felt like someone had just punched him in the chest. The expression on Jaemin’s face was indescribable - a mixture of hurt, betrayal, and sadness, and when Jaemin turned around and walked into the anthropology building, Renjun couldn’t bring himself to do anything except watch him walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter hurt to write,,, anyway I hope everyone's keeping warm this winter and taking care of themselves ;__;  
> ty for reading! <3

_@najaemin0813 has requested to follow you. (1 min ago)_

Renjun scoffed at the notification, putting his pencil down and picking up his phone in disbelief. This boy, the epitome of extraness, had really just cancelled his request and re-requested just so that Renjun would get another notification about it. He ignored the request, as per usual, and clicked on iMessage instead. 

**Chenle:** wtf I got 10/15 on lab performance??? I didn’t even do anything weird in lab??

**Mark Lee:** 10/15 is good 

**Hyuck:** guys can I add Jaemin to the chat?? You all met him the other day right? 

Renjun stood up abruptly, his chair falling down in a loud clatter behind him as he frantically started typing. 

**Renjun:** n

 **Renjun:** no

 **Renjun:** stop 

**Renjun:** nonoonobo 

**Hyuck:** wtf? 

**Hyuck:** what’s your issue? 

Feeling a bead of sweat roll down the side of his face, Renjun typed out a sad excuse. Even he knew how awful his excuse was; no one would believe him, but at least he would get his point across. 

**Renjun:** this is like our group 

**Renjun:** we shouldn’t add new people this is like our squad 

His Jaemin-induced headache was returning. 

**Renjun:** Jaemin wouldn’t understand why the chat is titled “Jeno stop talking” you know?? 

**Renjun:** we’re the Jeno stop talking squad 

The chat is silent, and Renjun cringes at himself. 

***Chenle questioned “we’re the Jeno stop talking squad”***

**Chenle:** Renjun are you ok? 

**Hyuck:** uhh ok I won’t add him then 

**Hyuck:** never knew you were so obsessed with us 

Renjun let out a massive sigh of relief as he sat back down, closing his eyes for comfort. It had been two days since the whole pancake incident, and he had been patiently waiting for Jeno to break the news to Jaemin, but there was zero progress so far. Thankfully, Jaemin was nowhere to be seen for the past two days anyway, and if it wasn’t for everything that happened just now, Renjun might’ve even forgotten about him. 

**Mark Lee:** wait but I love Jaemin he’s so funny 

**Hyuck:** yeah well apparently renjun doesn’t think so 

_That’s right,_ Renjun thought as he placed his phone down. The day Jaemin finds out he had been embarrassing himself all along would probably be the best day of his entire life. It would be a sight to see, for sure - the way it would dawn on him that he had been flirting with the wrong person the entire time - Renjun practically couldn’t wait. 

* * *

It had started just like any other day, and it would’ve continued to be just like any other day if Renjun hadn’t woken up to a text from Jeno. 

**Jeno:** I told Jaemin 

**Jeno:** andddd I got rejected but it’s ok because he’s still cute 

Renjun was partially overjoyed because, well, _finally,_ but he also felt a bit upset that Jaemin had rejected Jeno; Jeno was one of his closest friends, after all. But, in hindsight, it might’ve been weirder if Jaemin was also interested in Jeno, anyway. In the end, Renjun was overall pleased that he no longer had to be affiliated with Na Jaemin. It was liberating, really.

* * *

What had started off as a quite refreshing day (thanks to Jeno’s text) quickly spiralled into disaster. 

“Shit,” Renjun muttered under his breath, rummaging through his bag while Donghyuck eyed him a curious look. They were in their philosophy lecture, the professor going on and on about something no one in the class seemed to understand, and it was quite unlike Renjun to be aggressively searching his bag instead of taking notes and listening attentively. 

“Is everything okay?” Donghyuck whispered, disregarding the dirty looks they were getting from the two students in front of them. 

Renjun ignored him and continued scavenging his bag, spilling out everything inside it, until he reached the bottom. Donghyuck was about to make a joke, a smile creeping up his lips, until he noticed the way Renjun’s face was absolutely panic-stricken. His smile immediately fell, his expression morphing into that of alarm. 

“Renjun?” He asked, his voice laced with worry now and his brows furrowing. Renjun finally turned to him, acknowledging his presence, but his face was drained of colour as his eyes darted back and forth between Donghyuck and his bag. “I think I lost my sketchbook.” 

“Hey, do you guys mind keeping it down a bit?” One of the students in front of them finally demanded, arms crossed. In any other situation Donghyuck and Renjun would’ve just rolled their eyes and ignored him, but Donghyuck knew this was a much more serious issue. He didn’t fail to notice the way Renjun’s breath hitched and the way he was clenching his fists to stop himself from shaking. 

“Let’s go,” Donghyuck whispered firmly, grabbing Renjun’s wrist and leading him outside the lecture hall. Once they were outside, Renjun collapsed onto a bench, hands nervously gripping his trembling knees. Donghyuck kneeled down in front of him, looking up at him with eyes full of concern. 

“Try to think carefully. When did you last see it?” He asked gingerly, trying to make eye contact with the other boy. 

“I don’t know. I always have it with me. I think it might’ve fallen out or something when I was getting my headphones out on the way here,” Renjun let out, his voice tiny and quivering, “I can’t lose it, Hyuck. I can’t.” 

“I know,” Donghyuck replied. Because he did know. Renjun had treasured that sketchbook since they met, which was approximately 7 years ago. He knew how important it was to him, and he knew how devastating it would be for him to lose it. “We’ll find it, Renjun,” he promised, reaching out to grab the other boy’s hand in reassurance, “I’ll ask everyone I know to check all the lost-and-found places around campus, okay? Don’t worry too much. We’ll find it.” 

Renjun nodded solemnly, pushing back tears that threatened to spill out any moment. He couldn’t believe himself. He was an idiot - why had he even brought the sketchbook to school in the first place? He felt like the most pathetic human being alive at the moment, and as he felt Donghyuck’s palm smooth across his back in comfort, he felt even more like crying. _If it was anyone else,_ Renjun realized, _they might have laughed at me for being so heartbroken over a sketchbook._ He didn’t deserve Donghyuck. He was a bit reckless, sure, and he made a lot of sarcastic jokes, but he always knew how to comfort others and make them feel better immediately. He was the fastest to notice when something was off, he was cautious with his word choices, and he was, in heart, someone so incredibly caring and thoughtful. 

His sketchbook has always been so important to him. It was a huge part of him, really - a gift given to him by his grandmother when he was little and wasn’t even fully aware of how much he loved art. Since then, he had only pulled out the sketchbook at certain times. There were not that many drawings in there, and despite him having owned it for several years now, he had filled up less than half of the pages. He only drew things that were special to him. From the little elephant-shaped slide Chenle and him used to play on when they were toddlers to the Pokemon card deck that helped him meet Donghyuck and Jeno (they were arguing because Renjun had rightfully won the battle but Donghyuck had refused to give him the Pokemon card he deserved), every drawing in there was held close to Renjun’s heart. If he lost it now, or _ever_ , really, he would never be able to forgive himself. 

“They’re checking the lost-and-found right now,” Donghyuck assured, breaking the silence, “and I’m sure you’ll have it back in your hands in no time. One of my friends is even checking the streets just in case.” He flashed the other boy a smile and, to his relief, Renjun returned one back. 

“Mark is so lucky he has you,” Renjun sighed, giggling a bit as Donghyuck’s face started flushing a bright red. “Don’t try to hide it from me now, Hyuck.” 

“Shut up,” Donghyuck muttered, turning away from Renjun, although the red tips of his ears were still exposed. “He doesn’t like me in that way.” 

“Are you blind?” Renjun gaped, sitting up and staring at the other boy. “He’s literally head over heels for you.” 

“Why are we even talking about this?” Donghyuck whined in response, pushing Renjun away playfully, “just go back to being sad.” 

Before he could tease him even more, Donghyuck leaped up from the bench, his eyes twinkling with joy as he held his phone out so that Renjun could scan his eyes over a text message he had received mere seconds ago. 

**Jaemin:** I found it 

**Jaemin:** where should I meet you? 

“Jaemin found your sketchbook!” Donghyuck exclaimed, overjoyed. 

_Jaemin._

“Oh wait - he has a lecture soon, but he’ll be free after that,” Donghyuck continued, a small frown appearing, “Renjun, is it okay if you go meet him alone? You’ve met him before, right? I have a lecture when he’s free, so you’d have to wait a while for me if you want me to come with you.” 

_Jaemin._

“Renjun?” 

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I can meet him. Just give me his number,” Renjun replied hastily, shaking his head slightly as he smiled at Donghyuck. “Thanks for everything, Hyuck.” 

Donghyuck beamed, patting the other boy on the back as he punched in Jaemin’s number into his phone for him. “I should get going now, but text me when you meet him, okay? See, I told you we were gonna get it back! This is what happens when you trust me.” 

Renjun rolled his eyes, although he was truly grateful to Donghyuck for everything he did for him. After all, if it wasn’t for him, he probably wouldn’t have ever found it.

And of course, if it wasn’t for Jaemin. Of course it was Jaemin again. Except, this time, it wasn’t negative feelings overflowing Renjun at the thought of him. He was thankful. It was strange, associating Na Jaemin with positive emotions, but Renjun supposed that was what usually happens when someone goes out of their way for the other.

**Renjun:** hey, this is Renjun 

**Renjun:** thanks for finding my sketchbook! where should i meet you and when? 

**Jaemin:** 3 pm in front of anthro building. see you then 

Renjun raised an eyebrow, surprised at how cold Jaemin came off as over text, but he quickly dismissed it. He was going to get his sketchbook back, and that was all that really mattered to him anyway. 

* * *

He was early by five minutes, so Renjun decided to sit on a bench outside the building. _It’s getting kind of chilly_ , he noted as he wrapped his cardigan around him. He was sitting there, taking in the fresh air, when he realized that this was the first time he was seeing Jaemin after Jeno told him the truth. He giggled to himself, wondering how Jaemin would act in front of him now - would he be his usual self, playful and touchy? Knowing Jaemin, he would probably say something about Renjun paying him back since he found his sketchbook for him. _But wait,_ Renjun pondered as his brows furrowed, _he seemed a bit off over text. Is he alright?_

“Hey,” a familiar voice interrupted as Renjun felt someone’s presence approach him from the back. He turned around, and there was Jaemin: he looked a little bit tired, his hair carefully gathered into a baseball cap, and he was wearing an oversized hoodie with black jeans. He sat down next to him, and for some reason, Renjun felt a hint of nervousness rising inside of him. 

“Hey,” he replied quietly, “so um… thank you for finding my sketchbook.” 

“Yeah, no worries.” 

It was suffocating, the silence. Renjun turned to him, forcing an awkward smile onto his face. “Where did you even find it?” 

Jaemin glanced at him, his eyes twinkling as usual underneath the shade of the cap. 

“I looked all around campus. Found it on the street in front of the health science building.” 

Renjun had no idea what to say to that, so he turned around and let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding. Jaemin was different. Something was off - Renjun wasn’t familiar with _this_ Jaemin. The Jaemin that wasn’t bubbly, wasn’t teasing him with embarrassing comments. This Jaemin was strangely serious, silent - maybe even _cold_. But this Jaemin was the same person that had, apparently, searched all across campus for something that was Renjun’s. And Renjun was supposed to hate him, wasn’t he? Didn’t he hate him just a couple hours ago before all of this? Didn’t he think he was a brat? Wasn’t he relieved that he was finally cutting ties with him? So why was he - 

“Here, this is it, right?” Jaemin broke in, holding out a familiar notebook with the name _Renjun_ printed neatly on the top left corner. 

“Yeah, thank you again,” Renjun said quickly, taking the notebook and holding it close to him. Was this it? Was he supposed to say goodbye and then leave? Why was Jaemin still sitting there? Should he have said something more? 

“You know, I think I would’ve appreciated it if you told me yourself. About Jeno” Jaemin finally let out, standing up in front of Renjun. “I made a fool out of myself in front of you and you never even tried to tell me the truth.” 

“What?” Renjun replied in a hushed voice, his heart beating ridiculously fast in his chest. He suddenly felt defensive; Jaemin was the one that chased him around acting like a nuisance, not him, and he was sure he wouldn’t have trusted Renjun even if he had told him the truth anyway. “You wouldn’t even have believed me. You would’ve just joked around and -”

“I would’ve believed you.”

Renjun finally looked up, and it felt like someone had just punched him in the chest. The expression on Jaemin’s face was indescribable - a mixture of hurt, betrayal, and sadness, and when Jaemin turned around and walked into the anthropology building, Renjun couldn’t bring himself to do anything except watch him walk away. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, except he didn’t quite understand why. 

What Jaemin said was true. He had never told him outright that he wasn’t the one that posted the confession. He had just avoided the question entirely, focusing on stupid things like Jaemin finding out his name and pretending he didn’t even know what he was talking about. 

He had just jumped to the conclusion that Jaemin wouldn’t have believed him even if he told him, not even thinking about how embarrassing it would’ve been for Jaemin to be told that from Jeno. No, actually, he _did_ think how embarrassing it would be. But he was looking forward to it. He was _excited_ for Jaemin to realize that he had been making a fool out of himself the entire time, because he hated him. But did he hate him? How was he supposed to hate him, anyway? 

* * *

That night, when Renjun sat at his desk with his sketchbook laid out in front of him, he silently smiled to himself at the drawings inside it. The drawings that all meant something exceptional to him. When he flipped to a blank page, he stared at it for a while, pondering whether he should draw something in it or not. Hesitantly, he picked up his pencil and placed the tip onto the page, marking a small black dot. 

The drawing had to be something important, something that would help him remember how he was feeling in this exact moment. Something worthy of being drawn inside his sketchbook. Something that he found captivating. 

Before he knew it, there was a drawing of Na Jaemin in his sketchbook. 


	5. alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From his twinkling dark eyes to his smooth voice, he was certainly different from the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say a big thank you to everyone that's been supporting my work!! it really means a lot to me ;__;  
> ANYWAY this fic is slowly nearing its end, i hope you enjoy and thank you again!  
> (I know this chapter is super short hsnfjdf and im sorry about that)

The next week was uneventful, which Renjun was grateful for, but he couldn’t help but notice the small change that occurred in his life, shifting it in a way Renjun wasn’t familiar with. As the description suggests, the change was so small - almost irrelevant, really, but it bothered Renjun to no end. 

The change was Na Jaemin. 

It would be a lie if he said he wasn’t expecting this: he surely didn’t expect Jaemin to treat him the same as before after he found out that Jeno was his secret admirer. But he also wasn’t expecting what had happened the other day, and he could still visualize the peculiar expression Jaemin had worn when he had looked up at him. It was hard to place a finger on what exactly Jaemin was feeling or thinking that day, despite the fact that Renjun had always been on the observant side. Jaemin was unreadable, and it left a bizarre, bitter feeling inside of Renjun. 

He knew he had done something wrong. He wasn’t stupid, he knew he was the reason behind Jaemin’s sudden shift in attitude. But that didn’t mean he knew how to repair the damage he had caused. He knew the most reasonable solution was to offer him a well-deserved apology regarding his childish mistake, but he had zero clue on how to approach him. 

Renjun had always been successful in mending torn relationships: from when he cut Chenle’s hair with craft scissors one night when they were four as revenge to when he accidentally shot a hurtful comment at Donghyuck without thinking, he never had much difficulty apologizing sincerely and returning things back to normal. But this was different. He wasn’t sure how, or  _ why _ , but Jaemin was different. Something tugged at his heart whenever he thought of him. From his twinkling dark eyes to his smooth voice, he was certainly different from the others. 

When Renjun saw Jaemin enter their linguistics class Monday night, he found himself holding his breath. He was as gorgeous as usual; Renjun never denied the fact that he was attractive, but that day, he could feel his chest aching as Jaemin turned around after making eye contact with him. He hadn’t ignored him or anything. In fact, he had flashed him a small smile before looking the other direction, but that smile made things worse. It wasn’t the smile that he had given him when he first asked him about the confession, and it wasn’t the smile he had given him when he had slipped pancakes onto his plate. It was nothing like it. 

When pancake day rolled around again and Renjun spotted Jaemin entering the lounge with Donghyuck, he could feel his heart rate rapidly increasing as he pretended to be busy with pancake flipping.  _ Should I say something to him when he comes up? Should I say sorry? Do I ask him if we can talk?  _ Jaemin stepped up to the right of Renjun, grabbing an empty plate.  _ Should I just pretend like nothing happened?  _

But before Renjun could even process anything, Jaemin had skipped him, receiving his pancakes from Yuta and moving on to get his toppings. 

That was the last straw for Renjun. He couldn’t just let things go on like this. 

It was guilt, he finally decided as he scribbled down illegible notes during his art history lecture. Pure guilt. If he apologized to Jaemin like he would’ve with anyone else, this sinking feeling whenever he saw him would go away, and things would be back to normal. 

And that’s how he was back at the cafe he first met Jaemin in, fidgeting nervously with the buttons on his shirt as he waited for Jaemin to meet him. He had texted him last night asking him if they could talk, and although Jaemin hadn’t seemed enthusiastic about it, he had agreed, much to Renjun’s relief. Now all that was left was a heartfelt apology that Renjun truly wanted to deliver, and then Jaemin would be back to his normal self, flashing him the radiant smiles that he was used to. Renjun believed that things would go fairly smoothly, but when the door opened and the pink haired boy stepped in, all the words he had prepared evaporated from his mind. 

Jaemin looked incredible. He was wearing a white button up shirt tucked into a pair of black slacks, and he held a black blazer in his right hand as he straightened out the silver belt that reflected against the bright lighting of the room. But most of all, much to Renjun’s dismay, his pink hair was pushed back, revealing his dark eyebrows and setting free his pretty eyes to their fullest. 

Renjun quickly averted his eyes from the other boy, suddenly feeling like the temperature in the cafe was too high, when Jaemin sat down in front of him. 

“Hey,” he said, turning around briefly to hang his blazer on the back of his chair. “This cafe sure brings back memories, huh?” 

“Uh, yeah,” Renjun replied nervously. God, he was acting so  _ stupid _ . He had always been the witty type, fast and humorous with his words, but right now he felt like nothing but a blubbering idiot. “You’re dressed pretty fancy.” 

Renjun felt like slapping himself.  _ You’re dressed pretty fancy? What kind of line is that?  _

“Oh, yeah, I had a club exec interview right before this so I just thought I’d dress nice for once,” Jaemin explained casually. “It’s for iGEM, if you were wondering.” 

Renjun wasn’t surprised at all. iGEM, also known as the international genetically engineered medicine competition, was one of those high-end clubs that actually took themselves seriously instead of having a name for people to write in their resumes. Of course Jaemin would be in a club like that. 

“So what was it you wanted to talk about?” 

_ Here I go,  _ Renjun thought as he took a deep breath. 

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I realize it was unfair of me to have assumed you wouldn’t believe me. I know that you embarrassed yourself a whole lot in front of me, and I know it wasn’t the best move to make Jeno break the news to you. I know why you’re upset, and I don’t exactly expect you to accept this apology, but I do really acknowledge that you’re hurt from my actions and I want to take responsibility.” 

He looked up, catching Jaemin’s eye, and he immediately wanted to crawl into a hole and die. What he had prepared in his head last night was  _ much  _ better than the bullshit he had just spewed out. 

“That was like, a whole essay or something,” Jaemin laughed, and Renjun’s ears perked up. “It’s alright, Renjun. It wasn’t really a big deal to begin with, I just got a bit emotional. Seriously. I overreacted. You didn’t even have to apologize.” The other boy shrugged, smiling at Renjun, and Renjun could feel his worries disintegrating bit by bit.

“Okay, I’m glad,” he sighed, sitting back in a more comfortable position. 

“Is that it?” Jaemin asked, slipping on his blazer as Renjun slightly looked away. “I have a lecture soon, so if it’s alright with you, I’ll get going.” 

“Oh yeah, that’s all. Are we good now?” Renjun quickly asked, wanting to make sure. 

“We’re good.” 

And that was that. After Jaemin left, Renjun sat there, trying to properly process everything that just happened. He was glad, that was for sure - Jaemin had accepted his apology, and they were fine now. He hadn’t exactly expected it to have gone so smoothly, but he sure as hell wasn’t complaining. He got up from the table, swinging his bag over his shoulder, feeling significantly lighter as he walked out. 

* * *

Everything had gone as planned, so when Renjun accidentally flipped open his sketchbook that night to the page where his drawing of Jaemin lay, he was shocked at the familiar tug at his heart. It was back. But why? He had resolved everything with him, and Jaemin seemed to be in a good mood now, so why was that uncomfortable feeling returning? 

Staring at the drawing of Jaemin, Renjun swallowed hard. With all honesty, he was a bit disappointed. The way Jaemin had shrugged and waved the whole thing off as if it meant nothing to him - Renjun could barely  _ sleep  _ last night from the worry that he had hurt him. Was it just a big thing to Renjun? Was he the only one that lost sleep over that conversation they had when Jaemin had returned his sketchbook to him? 

If he hadn’t apologized, would Jaemin even have reached out to him first? 

The answer was clear now, and Renjun almost felt sick. He shut his sketchbook shut and climbed into his bed, shutting his eyes and willing these feelings go away. He was unfamiliar with it, but he wasn’t unaware. He knew what this meant, and he hated himself for it. He was truly unfair and selfish; how could he possibly turn back and say that he liked Jaemin now when he had hated him so much before to the point where he had hurt him? 


	6. wonderlust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His eyes were twinkling, reminding Renjun of the stars at night, and his lips were moving fast, clearly quite invested in the conversation with the upper year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the second last chapter, and i admit that it's pretty boring but thank you for reading it anyway ;__; <3 we're almost at the end!

Renjun woke up sick on the day of his first midterm. And, to make matters worse, it was his linguistics midterm, meaning that he would have to see Jaemin today no matter what. It was a flaw in his plan; he had been actively avoiding him. Whenever Donghyuck would mention his name, Renjun would suddenly come up with an excuse to go somewhere else, and whenever he caught sight of the unique pink hair, he would immediately whip around and walk the other direction. This resulted in a number of problems: Donghyuck started to have his suspicions, and Renjun kept arriving late to his lectures and tutorials because he took the long way around. 

Renjun, who usually slept well through practically everything, even had some trouble sleeping lately, and it was all because of Jaemin. Jaemin and his soft hair. Jaemin and his flattering outfits. Jaemin and his long legs.  _ Jaemin and the formal outfit he wore that day.  _ At this point, Renjun thought that he wouldn’t be surprised if Jaemin in a suit was his sleep paralysis demon. 

His cold seemed to get worse and worse throughout the day, and by the time his midterm was approaching, he felt like absolute hell. His throat was so sore it hurt to swallow, and he couldn’t breathe through his nose at all. He hadn’t reached the gross-coughing stage yet, but he felt exceptionally fatigued, and his eyelids kept drooping against his own will. He just wanted to get this test over with and go home, but with the nature of midterms and their timing, he wouldn’t be able to reach the safety of his bed until past 10 pm. 

“Hey, are you ready for the midterm?” Jeno asked as Renjun walked up to him inside the medical science building cafeteria. They still had just about an hour left until the test, and Jeno had frantically texted Renjun asking him to cram last minute with him. “I don’t even know the difference between a compound and two words,” Jeno sighed, shaking his head as Renjun sat down next to him. 

“Isn’t this supposed to be your bird course?” Renjun teased, unwrapping his scarf from around his neck and placing it on the table. “But anyway, a compound has stress on the first element, and two words has stress on the second. Think about greenhouse and green house;  _ green _ house versus green  _ house _ .” 

“ _ Green _ house. Green  _ house _ .  _ Green _ house,” Jeno repeated, his brows furrowing, “okay, yeah, I see that, but I can’t exactly be chanting greenhouse and green house during the test.” 

“It’s called doing it in your head,” Renjun retorted, his voice cracking. 

Jeno stared at him. 

“Is your voice okay? You sound like you just smoked a pack or something.” 

“Yeah, I do that on the daily,” Renjun said sarcastically, rolling his eyes, “but no, I woke up this morning with a cold. Just my luck, right?” 

“Here, I might have like Advil or something,” Jeno quickly pointed out, putting down his notes to reach into his bag. “Or not,” he added sheepishly. 

“It’s fine. Let’s just focus on cramming - do you get the difference now?” Renjun assured, “if not, there was another example our prof did in class … what was it again?” 

“Oh! Wet suit and wetsuit, right?” Jeno exclaimed, “I think I get it now. A suit that is wet versus swimming gear.” 

“Yeah, exactly. Wet suit as the stress on the suit, whereas wetsuit has stress on wet.” 

Jeno nodded triumphantly, flipping the page to another section, when all the wet suit talk made Renjun suddenly think of Jaemin and his suit attire. He could feel his face starting to flush a tinge of red as he looked away from Jeno and stared at the table.  _ I just want this to be over with,  _ he thought for the millionth time that day, sniffling as he allowed his eyes to give in and shut for a few seconds. His face felt hot, but he hoped Jeno would assume that it was due to his cold. 

* * *

“And time’s up! Put your pens and pencils down and we’ll come around to collect your tests.” 

Renjun thought he was going to die. Well, that was an exaggeration, but he definitely felt worse than before. It might’ve been the fact that he was cooped up inside a basement for two hours (the cursed exam building) or because of how unexpectedly hard the damn test was, but he could barely move around without feeling like he was going to collapse. 

When the exam proctor collected the last bit of everyone’s tests, Renjun slowly got up, tugging on his jacket and swinging his scarf around his neck as Jeno approached him solemnly. 

“I don’t even want to talk about it,” Jeno said bitterly as Renjun let out a small laugh. “I’m going to murder Ten for telling me this was a  _ bird course _ . Bird course my ass; I’d probably do better in an actual course about birds.” 

“Hey, if you’re talking about that one 400 level course about birds - EEB something - I heard it’s actually really -” 

And then there was Jaemin. There was his sleep paralysis demon, standing right there in front of the water fountain in the building, talking to Jaehyun. He was so pretty that Renjun couldn’t help but stop in his tracks - he was dressed in a usual Jaemin-like outfit, but what made him so breathtaking at this exact moment was the way he carried the brightest smile on his face. His eyes were twinkling, reminding Renjun of the stars at night, and his lips were moving fast, clearly quite invested in the conversation with the upper year. 

“Oh, there’s Jaemin, looking good as usual,” Jeno remarked as Renjun peeled his eyes off of the pink haired boy. “That’s Jaehyun, right? The one with the lavender hair? They look kind of good together.” 

Renjun’s eyes immediately darted back to him, who was now laughing so hard at something Jaehyun said that he was buckled over.  _ Jaehyun must be real funny,  _ Renjun thought sourly as he shoved his hands into his pockets and started walking towards the door. He couldn’t even deny what Jeno had just said - they  _ did  _ look good together. Jaehyun was one of the most attractive upper years he knew, and he was incredibly kind too. Not only that, but he was famous for maintaining a 4.0 GPA throughout his entire time here despite majoring in discrete mathematics. Jaehyun and Jaemin seemed to complete each other, and Renjun couldn’t possibly form a single argument against that. 

“Woah, Renjun, careful!” 

Renjun instantly snapped out of his thoughts just as his foot missed a step. He could feel his body tilt forwards in an unsafe angle, the ground approaching him at a dizzying speed, when he felt an arm tug him back to safety. 

“Jeez, watch your step,” Jeno exclaimed, his grip firm on Renjun’s arm as he steadied him. “You could’ve smashed your head open just now.” 

Renjun felt his face heat up as he straightened his posture. “Thanks. I don’t know what just came over me.” He turned around, Jeno trailing right behind him, as they left the building and into the cold. 

Renjun felt remarkably sick, even more so than a few seconds ago, and he wasn’t sure if it was because of the sudden exposure to fresh air or because of the thought of Jaemin with someone else. 


	7. with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well, it’s your lucky day,” Johnny mused, heading over to the display and reaching for a slice of tiramisu cheesecake. “Someone told me to give this to you the next time you came here.” He gingerly placed the slice into a box, holding it out for Renjun to take.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before you read the final chapter, i just want to say thank you once again for reading everything up until now!  
> we're finally at the end and I hope this ending + my work in general is something many of you enjoyed ;__;  
> im sorry in advance if there are things that you didn't like about my fic/the way it ended; it gets a bit difficult for me to write as interestingly as the beginning half once i near the end for some reason hhh i'll try to improve for next time!  
> on another note, the new year is approaching, so i hope everyone has a wonderful 2020~  
> and finally, special thanks to hana, my biggest supporter, and to those who always commented kind words! you really made my day and motivated me to keep writing  
> i'll stop talking now, i hope you enjoy!!

“I think I’m gonna meet up with Jaemin for lunch before our lecture,” Donghyuck said, punching at the keys on his phone, “if you want to join.” 

“I’ll pass,” Renjun replied immediately, the grip on his backpack strap tightening, “I think I’m gonna drop by the cafe before and get some tea or something. Sore throat.” 

Donghyuck looked at him weirdly. “Renjun,” he started, stopping in his tracks, “do you hate Jaemin?” 

If Donghyuck had asked this question a couple weeks ago, the answer would’ve been obvious. Renjun knew that even if he told Donghyuck that he hated Jaemin, which in fact he used to with a burning passion, the other boy wouldn’t hold that against him. He also knew that just telling Donghyuck that he _did_ dislike Jaemin would be the easiest way to lift all suspicions and avoid the other boy freely, but for some reason, the words wouldn’t come out of his mouth. 

“You seem to like, I don’t know, avoid situations involving him?” 

He didn’t hate Jaemin. In truth, what he felt was far from hate. 

“No, I don’t hate him - why would I?” Renjun smiled, “he found my sketchbook for me, Hyuck.” 

Donghyuck slowly nodded, much to Renjun’s relief. “Well, if you ever want to hang out with us, just let me know. And by the way, your voice still sounds like shit.” 

“Maybe because I’m still sick?” Renjun retorted, rolling his eyes. He did feel a lot better than the night of his linguistics midterm, but his throat still bothered him, and he found himself getting exhausted a lot faster than usual. It was a fairly chilly day today, nearing the end of fall, and although it was true that Renjun didn’t exactly want to join Donghyuck and Jaemin for a nice little lunch date, he also did kind of want a warm cup of tea anyway. After he parted ways with Donghyuck, Renjun reassuring him that yes, he didn’t want to join them, Renjun started walking towards the cafe, shoving his hands into his coat pockets. 

Whenever Renjun was sick, he found himself getting a tad bit more emotional than usual, probably due to the never-ending fatigue that weighed upon him heavily. He thought a lot about Jaemin these days. It wasn’t like he _wanted_ to, really, but at a certain point he just stopped fighting the thoughts and let them come to him naturally. 

He would give anything for Jaemin to smile at him like that again. He felt a pang of regret whenever he saw the other boy, who always acknowledged his presence but never looked at him the way he wanted him to. It was his fault, there was no denying that. He had blown it, whatever it was. Renjun was unsure whether these feelings for Jaemin would ever go away, but time heals everything, and he didn’t want to make another mistake and end up hurting him. 

But at the same time, Renjun thought grimly as he pushed open the glass doors of the cafe, he didn’t want Jaemin to smile at anyone else like that. 

“Hey, Renjun! It’s been a while,” a cheery voice greeted him, Johnny waving at him behind the counter. “How have things been?” 

“Hey Johnny,” Renjun acknowledged happily, pulling his headphones out of his ears, “it’s been, well, going. I finished my midterms, so that’s that.” 

“Lucky,” Johnny groaned, turning around briefly to organize a stack of cookies on display, “I have like four major papers due next week. Anyway, what can I get for you today?” 

“Could I get a small London fog?” 

“Yes, of course. One London fog coming right up!” Johnny announced. He turned around, reaching for a cup, when he suddenly froze. “Renjun, are you still sick?” He asked, tilting his head back to look at the other boy. 

“Huh? Oh, um, kind of. How did you know that?” Renjun questioned, brows furrowing. Did he ever tell Johnny about his cold? 

“Well, it’s your lucky day,” Johnny mused, heading over to the display and reaching for a slice of tiramisu cheesecake. “Someone told me to give this to you the next time you came here.” He gingerly placed the slice into a box, holding it out for Renjun to take. 

“What? No, I can’t take this,” Renjun argued, feeling more confused than ever, “I think you’re mistaking me for someone else.” 

“Hm? No, it was from your date. Do you remember? Wow, that feels like forever ago,” Johnny remarked, urging Renjun to take the box from him. “The pink haired dude?” 

Renjun stared at him as he slowly took the box into his hands. “What?” 

“You know, the pink haired guy you were on a date with a month or so ago,” Johnny explained, expression slowly morphing into that of confusion when Renjun didn’t understand him immediately, “he came here a couple days ago and told me to give you a slice of tiramisu cheesecake next time you came here. Paid for it and everything, said you were sick and wanted to make you feel better or something.” 

Renjun’s heart started racing. “When was this?” There was no way Johnny was telling the truth - why would Jaemin do something like that? 

“It was a couple days ago, like I said,” Johnny slowly enunciated, “and I think it was late at night. He said he just wrote a linguistics midterm or something.” 

Renjun felt like he was going to pass out. He couldn’t breathe. There was _no_ chance Johnny was telling the truth, once again, but everything fit into place perfectly. But why would Jaemin have done this for him anyway? What was the motive behind it? 

And then he realized. 

“Okay, okay. Johnny, I need to go somewhere right now. I’ll be back. I promise,” Renjun blabbered, his heart almost hurting from how fast it was beating. He quickly turned around, ignoring Johnny’s confused shouts of “wait” and “what”s, and ran out of the cafe. He had to find Jaemin. He wanted to know _now_ . He wasn’t stupid; he knew friends didn’t do things like this for each other. Or, even if Jaemin did only do it out of pure friendliness, Renjun was sick and tired of hiding his feelings. If Jaemin was going to do things like _this_ for him, Renjun wasn’t afraid anymore. He wanted to tell him. He had to tell him. 

He frantically pulled out his phone and called Donghyuck, pacing back and forth on the streets until he picked up. 

“Hello?” 

“Hyuck, are you still with Jaemin?” 

“Uh, no, we just parted. Why?” Donghyuck’s voice was laced with confusion, and understandably so. 

“Where is he? Which direction did he go?” 

Renjun was overwhelmed and desperate, sheer hastiness enveloping him as he waited for Donghyuck’s answer. 

“I think he went towards the anthro building?” 

Without even saying goodbye, Renjun hung up, quickly assessing his surroundings before running towards the anthropology building. 

_Please be there, Jaemin. Please._

He didn’t even know what he was going to say if he met him, but there was one thing he knew for sure: he wanted to see him. Right now. 

When he reached the anthro building, catching his breath rapidly, he was met with utter disappointment at the lack of Jaemin. Of course he isn’t here, he thought grimly as he sat down on the same bench where they had argued a couple weeks ago. Should he call him? Text him? No, but he wanted to - 

“Renjun?” 

Renjun whipped around, his eyes landing on the face he so desperately wanted to see right now, and it truly felt like time stopped. Jaemin was standing there, his eyes wide in confusion and an earbud in his left hand, and Renjun thought that he couldn’t have possibly looked more beautiful. 

Before Renjun even knew it, he was standing in front of the other boy, his breath still shallow and his coat suddenly feeling a bit too warm on him. 

“Why did you leave me that cake?” 

“Huh? Oh, that was just an act of kindness, or whatever they call it these days,” Jaemin replied casually, offering a small smile. 

Renjun nearly scoffed. “An act of kindness? Are you sure?” He was pushing it, he knew. If Jaemin didn’t feel the same way about him, he would end up embarrassing himself to a great extent, but for some reason none of those worries registered as significant to him at this moment. He just wanted to know the truth, and he wanted to be able to tell Jaemin the truth just as much. 

“Yeah. I saw you almost fall after the lin midterm, and Donghyuck told me you were really sick, so I thought I’d just leave you a nice little gift or something,” Jaemin replied, blinking a couple times, “do you not like tiramisu cheesecake? That was what you were having when we first met, so I thought-” 

“No, I like it. And I like you.” 

Renjun realized the weight of what he just said after he said it, but it was too late to take it back at this point, and he didn’t really have any intention of taking it back anyway. He was more than frustrated with the behaviour of the other boy, because he _knew_ he wasn’t oblivious. He was just pretending, and Renjun was sick of it. He carried on breathily: “I like you, Jaemin. I don’t know how I even ended up like this, but I like you so much. I know it sounds stupid and selfish, especially after everything, but I do. I promise.” 

The silence that issued after his confession felt like it lasted a decade. Jaemin stared at him for a couple seconds as if he had just licked the tip of his shoes, but to Renjun’s surprise, his cheeks flushed a dark pink. 

Jaemin, always poised and controlled, quickly darted his eyes away from the other boy, his cheeks continuing to deepen as he nervously fidgeted at the ends of his sleeves. Renjun was suddenly full of such pure _endearment_ for the other boy that he didn’t know what to do with himself. 

“Why am I telling you this now? Great question, I don’t know myself. I just wanted to tell you this. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel the same way, that’s okay,” Renjun continued, feeling the eyes of the other boy fixated on him, “but I just really wanted you to know. I think you deserve to know.” 

“Renjun,” Jaemin let out in a hushed voice, his steady demeanor back, “I liked you since the very beginning. That’s why I overreacted when Jeno told me the truth. That’s why I acted so unfair to you back then.” Renjun was holding his breath as Jaemin paused. He continued in a much more confident voice: “I thought you didn’t like me, so I pretended I didn’t either, because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” And then, slowly: “I like you too, Renjun.” 

Jaemin’s eyes were soft, his voice sweet, and Renjun suddenly felt extremely conscious of the fact that Jaemin was a bit too close to him right now. He noticed how they were the only people on the streets, a fairly secluded and cornered part of campus, and he felt his mind go blank. He felt like he was in some sort of trance; Jaemin’s eyes were fixed on him, twinkling like always, and Renjun couldn’t _move,_ even when the other boy stepped closer to him. 

Was this a dream? This had to be a dream. It felt like they were carried away from the Earth and to another planet - it was just the two of them, every other noise in the world turning mute, and Jaemin’s eyes contained the universe. He smiled at him the way he did when they first met, and Renjun felt his heart clench with nothing but pure affection for the other boy. Jaemin was overbearing, his gaze a bit too soft and his presence a bit too close, but Renjun wanted nothing but to seal this moment into a little bottle and send it out into the waves of the oceans, a snapshot of an instant he never wanted to forget. 

And when Jaemin leaned in, now _way_ too close, Renjun suddenly remembered the fact that he was sick. He stepped back, staring at his feet, as Jaemin eyed him curiously. 

“I’m still sick,” Renjun quickly said, feeling Jaemin’s eyes boring into him. This was too much; his attention was too much. In a quiet voice, Renjun explained, “I don’t want to get you sick.” 

Jaemin blinked at him a couple times, feeling a laugh bubble inside his throat. He grabbed Renjun’s hand, smoothing his fingers over the other boy’s knuckles, as he flashed a radiant smile at him. 

“I don’t care if I get sick, but okay. Next time, then.” 


End file.
